50 Ways to Quit Your Employer

Click here to listen to 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover on YouTube
or, …
if you aren’t into the tongue in cheek version,
see some straight up tips on resigning from your job

(Sing to Paul Simon’s 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover)

“The job offer has arrived”, my recruiter said to me
“The next steps then follow logically
I’d like to help you on some scenarios to foresee
There must be fifty ways to leave your employer”

She said, “It’s my role to make this smooth
Furthermore, you should call me if there are any issues
But I’ll repeat myself, to prepare for the interlude
You must give a letter of resignation to your employer
Two weeks’ notice to your employer”

Just stay on track, Jack
Advise on your new plan, Stan
You don’t need to contain your joy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Talk to your boss, Gus
You don’t need to discuss much
Your decision is final, Lee
And get yourself free

Put it in white and black, Jack
Stick to your plan, Stan
This isn’t a ploy, Roy
Just listen to me
Two week notice, Gus
Don’t need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
Get yourself free

The boss said “It grieves me so to see you want to leave
I was about to give you a raise, that you must believe”
He said “I appreciate you, there’s so much you can achieve”
Now about the fifty ways

He said “Why don’t we both just sleep on it tonight
And I believe in the morning you’ll begin to see the light”
And then he dismissed me and I knew my recruiter was probably right
There must be fifty ways to leave your employer
Fifty ways to leave your employer

You still need to pack, Jack
He’s a company man, Stan
You’ve accepted another employ, Roy
Just get yourself free
This isn’t a win at Vegas, Gus
You don’t need to discuss much
Do it professionally, Lee
And get yourself free

Wrap up your stack, Jack
Execute your plan, Stan
Recall why you chose to deploy, Roy
You just listen to me
If you succumb, Gus
There’s no such thing as a free lunch
Avoid the malarkey, Lee
Just get yourself free

See also (for a serious article):
Letter of resignation Tips – How To Quit Your Job